Loyalties
by Ryuchu
Summary: You're a mercenary; if a client pays for it, it's your job to strike down the target without a moments hesitation. You have no personal responsibility for the people that you hurt or kill. Maybe if you keep repeating that lie, you'll eventually start to believe it. Just where do your loyalties lie little mercenary?


**A/N: **I'm pretty sure that Alvin and Leia have hijacked both my feelings and creative powers because they're all I've been able to write/draw for the past couple of days. Someone help me.

Well anyways, I was writing a series of drabbles set at different points in the game in an attempt to gain a better understanding of Alvin's character. Although I wrote several both before and after this one, this is the only one that I like enough to post here. The voice and perspective on this one is a little odd considering that it was originally intended to be exclusively part of a character study. However, if I were to attribute it to a particular character, it would probably be the voice of Alvin's conscious.

(SPOILERS PAST THIS POINT!)

It's only on my second play through that I realized something; when you run into Agria, Presa, and Alvin right before the dimensional gate thing that leads to Maxwell, Alvin has no idea if Leia is alive or dead. I couldn't help but wonder just what his reaction to seeing Leia alive would be...thus this short story was born.**  
**

This is another one where it's really only Alvin x Leia if you squint and look at it sideways. Will I ever write a fluffy one-shot for this duo? Only time will tell...

* * *

You're a mercenary.

When you're hired to kill someone, it's your job to pull the trigger, no matter who you're looking down the barrel at. It's your obligation. The guilty one is your client; you're just the tool used to carry out the deed. A tool can't be held responsible for the atrocities that it commits.

Keep telling yourself that lie and maybe you'll actually believe it one day.

Don't you just wish that you could believe that pretty little lie in this moment? You're wishing that you could just detach your consciousness from the situation; turn it on and off like a switch.

In theory, it should be easy. You've stood against them before – hell, you've watched and done nothing as soldiers surrounded them, fully intending to lock them away until they rotted. Yes, this should be just another betrayal in your long running tally.

However, as you watch them run up the summit, Jude surprisingly leading the charge, all your certainty flees. One by one they emerge into your line of sight – Jude first, then Elize, then Rowen. All of their faces are familiar and painful to see in their own way. You hold your breath and wait for a second, but no one else shows up.

There's one person noticeably missing. When you realize this, your heart tightens in your chest. She should be here; she would never let her friends run off without her. There's only one thing that would prevent her from accompanying them.

Death.

Just as the tightening within your chest starts to make it difficult to breath, you see a tell-tale flicker of white out of the corner of your eyes. Her cheeks are flush with exhaustion and it's obvious that she's been lagging behind everyone else. If you were traveling with her, you could have made some excuse to give her time to catch her breath. However, you've burned that particular bridge, haven't you? Great job little mercenary.

Now all you can do is stare dumbly at her. The relief that you felt at first seeing her alive – alive…you hadn't killed her – is replaced with a far darker feeling.

For a moment, you're unhappy that she survived.

Because if she's alive, that means you have to face her; it means that you have to own up to your actions. Life's difficult for a betrayer. It would be so much easier if she was simply dead, wouldn't it?

Of course you're quick to push that particular emotion aside and instead choose to settle on something that 'normal' people would be feeling in this situation - a burning sense of guilt. It's entirely your fault that she was lagging behind the others.

No, no, you can't be thinking like that; you'll go crazy if you start taking personal blame for all those people you've shot and left for dead. That's right just rationalize it away like you always do. You were only doing what the client asked you to do. Never mind that Muzét hasn't given you any money or any proper indication that she had the ability to make good on her promise to send you home.

It's so much harder to lie when the truth is staring you right in the face.

It also means that there's only one logical conclusion.

Run all you want you pathetic little mercenary, but your lies won't protect you.

You. Shot. Her.

You were under no one's order. You did it completely of your own volition. It was you who pointed the gun at her unprotected back and pulled the trigger. What did you expect though; you did go there with the intention of killing both her and Jude. Anything to get you back home, no matter who you had to dispose of, right?

You're aware that Presa and Agria are speaking, but their words are lost on you. Your every sense is focused on the young girl's face. She's notably avoiding looking anywhere in your general direction.

Oddly enough, you find yourself trying to remember what color her eyes are.

Until this moment, you've never really stopped to realize just how little you know about her. Of course for you that's par the course – it's much easier to stab people in the back when they're strangers rather than friends. Honestly, at best she could be considered an associate, but definitely not a friend.

Don't you wonder if she feels the same?

Since the first time you met her, she's been exceedingly open and friendly, a trait that took you by surprise. Sure, you presented that face to the world as well, but the difference was that she was _sincere_. Sincerity is another thing that you'll never quite understand; it leaves you so vulnerable. You can still remember how she had chosen to refer to you by the title of 'little buddy' for the entirety of your first conversation. It was this carefree and open attitude the revealed something important.

She wouldn't be a threat to the mission.

And since that moment, that was all she was in your mind. She wasn't a person and she certainly wasn't Leia Rolando; at best she was nothing and at worst she was a liability. The only thing that has tied the two of you together is the fact that you were both traveling with Jude and Milla.

Well now you can also claim that the scar you indefinitely gave her is another sign of your time together. It's just great to have things that bind you to other people, isn't it?

So what about now? Is she still nothing more than a non-threat? Was that what you were thinking when you shot her? Was that why you were able to go through with it? Was that why you were able to simply walk away without even knowing if you had killed her or not?

You're quick to push away the far too stinging questions as a sudden shift in the air catches your attention. It's only now that you realize that everyone is readying their weapons. Suddenly, Leia's eyes flick in your direction for a singular moment and you hold her gaze before you both hastily look away. It was as if you were able to read her thoughts; she was wondering the same thing you were.

Which side will you fight for?

No one is paying the bills anymore, so this one's all on you. Where does this mercenary's loyalty lie when he's left to choose for himself?

The answer comes a moment later when you watch as Agria and Presa raise their weapons. Suddenly your body is in motion and you're standing on the other side, jumping to protect the very people you have betrayed countless times. The decision wasn't conscious; your body simply moved on its own without thinking through the implications. What you just did is a huge gamble.

And god do you hate gambling.

However, any time for self-doubt is stolen away as the battle starts, individuals from both sides charging forward and joining in the fray. No one stops to question if you're going to switch alliances mid-battle; no one stops to think that maybe it's a poor choice to trust someone who would shoot an ally in the back. It seems that Jude's do-gooder naiveté is rubbing off a little too much on everyone. It's a mindset like that that will lead them all to an early grave.

Although maybe it's rubbing off on you as well because you find yourself unable to switch back to the other side when the going starts getting tough. For some reason, you feel obligated to stick with Jude's side. Reasons can be figured out later. Right now you're acting solely on instinct.

As the battle continues to drag on, you're aware that your fighting is growing increasingly sloppy and you know full well why. Your eyes and attention keeps wandering to Leia who herself is fighting sloppily. It's obvious that she's favoring her left side and there's not as much power behind her attacks.

Well Mr. Only-Doing-My-Job mercenary, there's a good reason for that.

You shot her.

You goddamn fucking shot her.

And you know what's even better about this whole thing? You've got no one to blame but yourself. No employer was paying you; you did it because you wanted to. She was an obstacle that you handled just perfectly; you really should get some sort of commemoration.

The rest of the battle is an emotionally jarring blur as your attention is split between your own fighting and worrying about hers. However, within minutes the party has managed to bring Presa and Agria to their knees. Somehow fate has seen it fit to end the battle with Leia standing right in front of you, her back presented to you.

There's a moment of heavy silence.

Her name is on your lips before you can stop it.

"Leia…"

The reaction is instant. Every muscle in her body tightens and she suddenly spins on her heel, her staff raised in front of her in a defensive position. Her eyes are terrified as she instinctively sets her stance so her injured shoulder is further away from you.

Ah, so she has green eyes.

And those green eyes reveal something that really should have been obvious to you from the start. She's scared that you're going to shoot her again. Her sloppy battling wasn't simply a result of the injury; it was a result of her fear of you. For her, the battle was being fought on two fronts.

Seems like someone did stop to question if you would switch alliances mid-battle.

She holds her defensive pose for a moment longer before she quickly averts her eyes and spins around childishly as if being caught in the act of staring too long. Under her breath, you can hear her mutter a quick apology. The remainder of the sentence you were going to say to her is stolen away and now it's your turn to avert your gaze. She's not supposed to be apologizing, you are. And yet you can't bring your lips to form the words.

In the past, you thought of her as an obstacle and now she thinks of you as some sort of monster.

Well what were you expecting; instant forgiveness?

Life isn't that easy.

But you already knew that, didn't you little buddy?


End file.
